Father,
Is it you or me who is dragging this out? I feel like my life has been wasted because I have waited for things that I considered precious, and they never came. I thought that I was trusting you all those years growing up, and now – nothing – I have less now than what I ever had and each day is a difficult battle. I hang on, because I think you may change the situation. You might heal me physically, you might heal emotionally. But then again, you might not.
And you could have healed me by now, yet you have chosen not to. Here’s me, trying desperately to stay alive because I think that there might be resolution and restoration in my life, but I am accepting the possibility that wont happen. So why try? Yes my family and friends are worth every effort, but my ability to enjoy relationships is marred so much by the way I feel.
I was so excited last night thinking over some great ideas of how to spend my time for this year. I thought the ideas were from you – an encouragement to live. Now, I can hardly move my body off the bed. My body feels like it is shutting down. I can’t go on like this. It has been two and a half years of getting inspired, hopeful and positive, only to be knocked down again. I have had enough.
There had better be something good coming up soon. To know you are with me is not enough. You need to come good on your promises.
